Whenever we speak of intimacy, the first thing that comes into
people’s minds is sex.
But really, intimacy is not all about sex and as a matter of fact sex is just a little part of intimacy.
Sex can be intimate, but more often than not it isn’t. Intimacy is
closeness, and although we certainly get physically close during sex,
mentally we can be miles apart.
True intimacy relies on knowledge — on knowing people just as well,
if not better, than they know themselves. It’s not difficult for men to
become more intimate with their women.
Not as difficult as one might think… but you are going to have to make the effort. Here are a few things you’ll want to try:
1. Make her trust you.
One of the most important way a guy can be intimate with a guy is by earning her trust and making her know that you will always have her back. Make her feel free to tell you anything. Make her know you don't have sex as a priority, and even when she is at her most vulnerable and emotional state don't take sexual advantage of her.
2. Tell her she’s beautiful.
There is no shortage of men who are willing to compliment women on a
daily basis. The difference between them and you, however, is that when
you tell the woman you love that she’s beautiful, it isn’t with ulterior
motives.
You don’t tell a thousand women whatever they want to hear just to
sleep with them. You are telling the woman you love that, in that
moment, she is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.
When a woman knows you find her so positively stunning — inside and
out — she’ll never have to worry about you straying or your feelings
faltering. Trust is the most intimate thing two people can share.
3. Write her a love letter.
There’s plenty that can be said without words, but every woman wants to hear how much you love her.
Give her a physical thing that she can go back and reference whenever
she misses you or feels uncertain of your love, and she’ll feel much
more secure — and happier.
You don’t have to be a good writer to write a good love letter. Just
put into words — the best you can — why she means the world to you.
Don’t type it; write it by hand so that when she looks at the words, she
feels that it’s you who wrote them.
4. Take a vacation together.
One of the best ways to become more intimate with your lover, to get
to know and understand her more deeply, is to take a long trip together.
Not just a weekend — two weeks minimum.
Intimacy is all about getting close to the other, and there is no
better way to understand a woman better than to throw yourselves into an
irregular or uncommon situation.
People are very good at keeping up façades when they’re feeling comfortable, when they’re surrounded by familiar surroundings.
Take that individual and place her in the middle of the unknown, the
inexperienced, and you get to see her at her most intimate and basic
levels — the level at which she is forced to take in novel information
and then use that information to make real time judgements and
decisions.
5. Take care of her when she’s sick and allow her to take care of you when you’re sick.
If you want to become more intimate with your partner, then you are
going to have to accept her, not only at her best, but also at
her worst. I’m sorry ladies, but no woman — or man for that matter —
looks good when she’s coughing up a lung.
When your woman is sick, she is — quite literally — at her most
vulnerable. Think about the way you feel and act when you physically
feel horrible. I’d bet my life that you aren’t the jolly, pleasant
person you usually are.
That’s why letting her see you when you’re at your most vulnerable is
also extremely intimate. You can see how far she’s willing to go for
you, and how much of you you’re willing to show.
6. Sleep with her (without having sex).
It’s easy to share a bed with a woman, whether you love her or not.
The harder part is not making a move when the beautiful woman next to
you says she isn’t ready or she isn’t in the mood.
Embracing a woman tenderly with no intention of taking it further
means your feelings extend past the normal libidinal urges you suffer
from. Cuddling a woman because you love her means needing to be close to
her because it makes you happy.
This kind of happiness lasts more than a night — it lasts for a lifetime.
7. Stare into each other’s eyes for extended periods of time.
There is little in the world that makes us feel more uncomfortable
than extended periods of eye contact. They say that the eyes are the
windows to our souls — and I don’t think they, whomever they may be, are
wrong.
Looking deep into your lover’s eyes most likely won’t show you
her deepest inner secrets, but it will show you how comfortable the two
of you are with each other.
The longer you’re able to stare, the more comfortable the two of you
are. If you want to break down whatever barriers are left in your
relationship, focus on more eye contact.
8. Meet the family.
A person is not just a person. She’s a combination of all the
people she was influenced by growing up — primarily, her family. We base
all our relationships in life on the relationships we have with our
family members.
They are our oldest relationships, and because we formed them in our
earliest years, they greatly shaped the way we perceive interpersonal
interaction and relationships.
You can often learn more about your partner from the people she surrounded herself with than you can learn from her herself.
9. Spend the holidays together.
Human beings are creatures that focus much of their energy on holding
on to traditions. Sadly, this makes progress incredibly difficult as no
one especially enjoys change. However, there is much to be said about
the importance of healthy traditions.
Keep in mind that the traditions she has now are more than likely the
traditions that she’ll want to pass down to you and the children you
have together.
It’s always a good idea to spend time with the people you want to get
to know better in moments of tradition and celebration. It allows for
an understanding that few other instances allow for.
10. Absolutely nothing.
The most intimate thing two people can ever do is absolutely nothing.
Consider how difficult it is for most of us to do nothing at all on our
own. We feel restless, uncomfortable, bored.
Now, imagine lying next to the love of your life and not doing
anything other than sucking in the reality around you, breathing in the
moment and each other. Intimacy doesn’t just involve action. It doesn’t
just involve the attainment of information or better understanding.
The purest form of intimacy is simply living together — not living in
the sense of sharing an apartment, but living in the sense of breathing
and listening to your heart beat.
If you and the woman you love feel comfortable doing nothing at all
together then you’ll likely feel comfortable with just about everything
else.
Elitedaily/Olamide
